...?! Gone Beyond 0_0''

Life feels meaningless. My attachment is toward my duty , but what other reason is there to validate my existence. I feel selfish needing some sort of validation, however it has come to the point where everyday brings me to the brink of destruction. I wish to destroy my self. I wish not to want. But still I want more. I WANT. I despise my self for every time I’ve given into want. Its an endless chase toward an invalid existence for desire derives from emptiness and I stress because I feel alone. Everyone feels alone. Loneliness is the absence of love. However, doesn’t this corrupt the core idea of love? To love because you are lonely. To love because it validates existence. It’s no wonder I feel used. It’s no wonder I gave up. Such paradox. Love is selfless when indeed it is selfish. At least the modern idea of it. I love the people that I serve and those I protect, but not to validate my self, but to sacrifice my self. Death awaits me in the end, but again what validates my existence beyond service and sacrifice? I am truly selfish for I am alone because I do not love my self. I am beyond my self and if I am truly empty, than am I not dead? Who am I and why do I still love?